Reward for obedience

 What is the reward for obedience? To be honest - nothing.

Rebellion at least gets you attention, hate or even jealousy but obedience just makes you the foolish little person stuck in the middle.
Since childhood, I can proudly (or maybe not) say that I have been an epitome of abiding to whatsoever I've been told. In 3rd standard, my mum acquired measles during my final exams and she said I wouldn't be able to help you, I sighed and said okay.  I can imagine if a few rebellious friends/cousins reacting to the same situation in somewhat this way - WHAT, how am I going to pass? I think I shouldn't give the exam! Or even I need a tutor now now now. And guess they'd even get it because they're parents would be so scared to take the tantrums.

Honestly my parents never bothered with all the tantrums and hence, me having any was worthless. When mums were running around kids forcing them to eat, my mum said - if you're hungry, you eat. If you're not, you let everyone else eat. What would an ignored child in a situation like that do? Well, eat!

The case has been no different when I had to be taken for formal dinners, unknown shaadis or even children's Birthday parties. My brother would say - don't even think about asking me and I just nodded. Guess who was caught in between aunties and uncles- ME.

I wouldn't stand giving up on and didn't listen to anyone when it came to education and well, love. From forging my dad's signature for funding papers to not telling anybody that Manipal was a twinning program- I think I have left no 'kasar' (as they say in punjabi) in taking advantage of the fact that everybody assumes that I wouldn't go against them! So although you can bend the rules but incessant obedience will take you nowhere close to living your life to the fullest. 

Sulking often?

Do we ever really grow up? The answer according to me is No. We don't grow up, we just start sulking about the things that we didn't want to change over the course of time. 

My mum tells me when I was  about 4 and used to attend a play school close to my house, I would sneakily check what my mum had pulled out to wear for that day and if it was that particular yellow embroidered sweater, I would wake up in seconds and get ready. Else, I could take anything from a few candies to several excuses to head to school. Things don't seem to have changed much, still when I have to rush to work and my favorite top isn't back from dry cleaning, I would just sulk and get going. Of course the bribes have escalated and are offered to self rather than my mum! 

The tastes that I have developed have been due to the kind of childhood I had, the person I am is because of the kind of childhood I had, the colors I like, the fears that I have, the people I adore, the hate list I built - all have something to do with the period when I was a kid. And the things I particularly don't get according to what I have expected all this while, disappoint me. When we are young, we think - I'll be old, I'll be married (or not), I'll have flawless skin, I'll have everything figured out blah blah… Seeing many people close to me, taking a leap of faith with marriage I feel they are still the same! Then what qualifies us to be old, married or in love? Honestly NOTHING! 

I often ponder - when we're older or on our own the freedom is immense! Does that do us apart? Responsibility they say is the unfortunate belonging that is given to us over time. How many of us really embrace it? Not me. Not yet.