Madam "wok" (vogue) le lo

Everything becomes a business in seconds in this place and everything shuts shop in even milli seconds in Delhi!

So I live in Punjabi Bagh, a place primarily renowned for its filthy rich people with every car possible and the stamina to eat/pay for good food. There has been no such ice cream brand that has not targeted this region. So in a line of shops you'd find cocoberry, hoki poki, baskin robin, gianis, 24x7, nirula's and of course not to forget the existing hawkers of mother dairy, amul, etc. I mean yes the people like ice cream but how much can they eat! That's what I thought. But was surprised to find later that yes, they can eat A LOT and something new every night. Its crazy how none of these brands claim they've had a dry sales time ever in this place!

Target market/group analysis has such a widespread application in everything India does. Its almost like marketing skills have been drilled in all of us. Think about it - the vendors on the traffic lights know exactly who will buy flowers, magazines, car chargers, books etc. Now they did not study anything its just experience that talks loud.

At this red light recently, this tiny guy selling magazines comes to my window and suddenly changes the order of the magazines. Says - madam "wok" (vogue) le lo. I told him while pointing at a hindi publication and said - woh kyun nahi dikhaya? He started giggling and said "firangi type Indian  log toh "wok" hi kharidte hain". So this barely 8 year old guy knew the exact market for what he was carrying to sell! Similarly, this girl selling flowers at the signal tells Dev (a friend) - "phool le lo bhaiya, madam khush ho jayengi". Yet again they knew that a guy and a girl sitting together would be ideal for selling something like flowers.

There is this word called - "jugaad" that exists in a lot of our dictionaries, at least it does in mine! I absolutely love how people here have a gut feeling that if something is not possible, there has to be a sidelined way to get it done. We do not take NO as an answer very easily. If we go to a shop and do not find our size of say a pair of shoes, it would be 99percent that we would say - "please check in the stock." I mean why is it so hard to believe something when told once. Its probably because there is such a high probability of being cheated in every sphere! Even the sabzi wala will try and quote wrong prices so you can imagine how big decisions would be so tough to take. How do I know that if someone is telling me the right thing so I just haggle until I know that I've done my best. From the auto drivers to desi sharaab places - all cheat us and we still keep believing we made a good deal! That's the beauty of business here.

My nails will never be the same again

It is very weird when someone you see for 5 years, two times a month, one day is declared dead. Sometimes you can't imagine where death takes you and when you actually do its too late. Something similar happened to the man who always made sure my hands looked presentable.

It might be considered very trivial in a lot of people's lives but my manicurist was very dear to me.  Even during my years of being out of the city, he would skip any appointment if he knew I was coming back for a couple days.

Many are in this business because they couldn't do anything else in their lives, many are not even proud of the profession just attached to the money that comes with it and few are just happy having uninterrupted access to women and their lovely hands. In my experiences with salons in Delhi, I have never noticed a male manicurist who is so committed and  honest to what his work demands.

The last time I met Harish, I was going to get my nails done after ages and I was very well prepared to hear him rant about the state of my tanned hands. He was up and about as usual, complaining about his daughter creating tantrums at school and him having to go regularly to fetch her. He had been missing work quite a bit due to her.

He often joked about when I would get married and how old I had become to find a nice guy. I would laugh it off saying - just because you ruined your life early don't expect me to. He would laugh but always added - "if I wasn't in love, I wouldn't have".

Never in my imagination would I have thought, a hurried holiday to his home town would turn fateful for him. I entered the salon on a casual saturday not aware of what had happened and could literally feel the eerie atmosphere as everyone was uncomfortably quiet. Since, Harish used to often take holidays, it wasn't a surprise to me when another guy volunteered to do my manicure. In the process, he said -"whatever happened to Harish was not fair, I don't think it was an accident, it was definitely a murder". I was shocked! For a second I couldn't believe it. I asked him again -"what are you saying? What kind of a joke is this?" He apologized for breaking the news so abruptly and said - "ishita madam I thought you knew, otherwise no one in their right senses would do your manicure if Harish was here because we couldn't match his level of work."

I was very hurt. It was almost like losing a friend, a family member. I asked the guy what had happened and how his family was doing. Turned out his wife didn't know about it too until they rushed him to a local hospital where he was declared dead due to brain damage. The people from the salon had gone to visit his family in the hospital a day before his death. Harish's close associates at the Salon told me stuff that left so many questions in my head - it didn't seem like his parents were shocked, they claimed that he had a drinking problem so he lost his balance and fell from the first floor of his village house, his brothers were not there to assist the parents in the hospital, they did not admit him in a Government hospital which would be far more affordable as compared to the local private one, his wife was not given clear answers to what happened to her husband, the police was asked not to interfere in the case.

It all seemed like a cover up for something that went terribly wrong. The damage that his body took couldn't possibly occur even if he fell down from atleast 5-7 floors, in fact it was very possible that someone beat him up. The puzzle pieces fitted well - him rushing to his hometown without notice to the salon could have been due to a property matter, his brothers would have been unhappy with sharing the part with him so probably beat him up under the influence of alcohol, them not going to a Government hospital because the police would ask 'n' number of questions to raise the possibility of murder and finally, his parents not being shocked because they knew exactly what happened in the village.

He is no more but I can't possibly stop thinking about the state of his wife. A completely dependent woman lost the support of her husband and is stranded with two children (4 and 6 years old). I want to help her in some way but monetary help is not what I have in mind. What do you think one can do for her without making it look like charity? Knowing Harish, charity would disgust him and pity would make him sick. 

Poor boys - stuck in the battle for the title

I don't know why but when you start having conversations with people (not your family) who are married and living it up everyday, you gain so much real time perspective to what your life is going to be like. Many a times, I have noticed two statements being used for the boys - the wives will say "oh he's such a muma's boy" and the mother will say " he's governed by his wife". I mean its utter chaos for the man who is trying to handle two people (not to forget women) who he supposedly loves and cannot live without. But then again the guy species isn't at all about balance. It is rare that you find a masculine soul who knows it all and can handle it all! They always float amidst opinions until they finally don't give a damn and do what they feel like.

Women try very hard to strike a balance initially and eventually give up. Nevertheless women are so opinionated that they don't care about what others think of them in this threesome handling task. So what if the MIL (mother-in-law) thinks I govern him, it just means she's jealous! - would be the typical statement in a woman's mind after she has done her bit to please both sides and settled to please the hubby only.

Its very similar to buying a wedding dress for oneself. Initially one gives a crap about what everyone would think of it, say about it etc and eventually when one finds the right one that fits, boy one doesn't care! In fact it is when one starts imagining people talking crap about it just because they are jealous! 

Well In this episode of desperate housewives, Gaby (the snobby rich mexican's not so well off wife) goes to buy her wedding dress with her hubby and his mum. The mum-in-law is obviously bickering about how expensive the dress is and Gaby has crocodile tears while over-hearing their conversation. Poor husband can't see his wife in tears and cannot deny that the dress is actually very expensive! Finally he buys the dress for Gaby while consoling his mother that she's the one he loves and cannot see her unhappy at any cost ( not even quite a few thousand dollars!).

Both angles show love for the husband in their own form but the one who wins take the point! This points fight is what continues throughout life until one woman finally gives up! A compromise is generally very rare I guess. So if the wifey wins -you get a wife-governed man and if the MIL wins - you get a muma's boy! Simple as that. Wait, the man yet again has no say. He is just swayed along in the battle for the title!

The art of choosing - perfected by Indians

Yesterday at the metro station, this girl who got out with me from the train was standing next to a bhutta wala (corn cob vendor) and peeling every other bhutta on his little cart. He got agitated and said -" madamji kya kar rahe hain, saara maal khol diya". She didn't even acknowledge him talking and continued the peeling ritual in search of perfect tender bhutta. It was until there was a pile of people around him that she had to make a  decision (I could see she wasn't very satisfied). After it was grilled and ready - she said "bhaiya masala kam kyun lagaya hain!?" and then of course "itna mahenga laga rahe ho!" .

I was already agitated waiting in the heat for the car to arrive and at that moment I swear I just wanted to shake her and say - "it is just a bhutta not the man of your life; move on girl" but then a thought came to my mind - it is because we have been given the benefit of choice that Indians have become too picky and sometimes irrationally time consuming when it comes to the  smallest things. Forget small, our ruling class in history was even given a "swayambar" (bride/groom choosing ritual) to choose who they want to marry! And then they say today that Indians go for arranged marriages! Really? I don't think so. We were since ages choosing each and everything we'd want.

Even arranged marriages are very similar to the situation I mentioned at the corn vendor. I'm not generalising here but when they say arranged marriage, it doesn't exactly mean that the girl hasn't given herself a fair chance to look around.  I mean she has a gala time until pressure from the family(similar to people gathering around the cart) increases and then if she has the guts she brings in her love or says goodbye and marries her parents' choice. This is very similar to the girl who went through all the bhuttas and when she had to make a decision - she could either give the one she liked or trust the vendor blindly to make a better choice for her. Those who do the former end up in a love affair those who do the latter end up in an arranged love affair. One still complains, one still whines, one still hypes up stuff but at the end of the day - one does have the bhutta! Haha

This was obviously a very well versed example but even the street beggars nowadays have started pitching their wants according to their choice. Try giving a little boy on the signal something to eat out of sheer generosity and he'll say - "didi pepsi pila do" or even refuse to take it because he's not interested. Hello! I mean that's some CLASS. My some tiny single digit year old cousin once while having pasta tells the waiter - "can you please put "no broccoli" because its bad!". At her age, I'd be a. Lucky to be eating out, b. Fancy to be eating italian and c. Very choosy to be defining my order!

Nevertheless, it is definitely the lack of trust that people have become so knit-picky. I mean its tough to find a lady buying bread without asking - "bhaisahab fresh hai na?" Or if anything is available in cheap - "bhaiya purana hoga!". When I was in the UK, it was simple - if its cheap, its going bad soon and you'll see maximum Indians piling to buy from that section! So its only in our love India that people have high held heads because of the benefit of choice!

Boundaries, only important in cricket?

Creating boundaries becomes so important as we grow old, get into relationships, get jobs, have kids, play cricket huh?

While sometimes obsession becomes the key to driving us forward, people like me forget to draw visible lines and often expect so much that in the process we get hurt and withdraw until we find our next obsession. Well, then another,  and another ...

Once while having a heated conversation, I told this guy I knew - I did this, that, blah, blah blah for you and you didn't respect it at all. He replied saying - well I never asked you to do any of that stuff. That was it. He was right. He never did ask me to give it my 100percent. It was definitely my lack of ability to draw "the line" and his perfect ability to introduce me to reality.

Its not only personal, even when it came to university work, I would get so obsessed with the presentation factor of my project that sometimes I would drive myself crazy finishing it. And a professor would have the same view. - I never asked you to do that. This is a classic case of obsession with perfection.

I try, try so hard to drill it my head that even if I manage to get it 80percent correct, it should be fine but NO, when I actually start working the same 80percent seems so mediocre. Even on the professional front, I've followed the same motto - do it best or don't do it at all. When narrated to others, this habit might seem very good but it morally ruins a person. A glitch in my work can make me beat myself up for hours or even days.

I still remember and the fact that I do is testimony of the impact this incident has had on me.  Appearing for my school admission interview,  I was asked to write the spellings for tree and being brought up in an entirely different schooling system prior to that, we had just finished three letter words. I couldn't spell it correctly and the principal mentioned it to my mum later even though rest of my paper was crisp and correct. It meant cent percent was the standard set and in no way could I not achieve that!

I get thoughts and dreams of imperfect work, work not getting done in time, incomplete preparation of syllabus for an exam, font/size differences in an important email and so on. These are not even the representation of the slightest gravity of problems that would come in one's way as time goes by. What I'm trying to say is that how does one influence oneself to believe that one's doing a great job? Constant appreciation or someone's belief?  Moreover how does someone expect others to do a job just like they would do it? Phew its going to be a tough tough life ahead. Wait, there I go again...haha

Shoe fetish or an Engineering degree?

Shoe fetish or an Engineering degree? Must be wondering what's the connection, isn't it?
Well for starters - I have both.

Second, the symptoms and cycle life of both are kinda the same unless you're broke. Symptoms can range from mild to very severe and the cycle life is long, very long!

When I joined engineering, I was convinced that it'll be tough but not impossible.. Funny enough I thought the same when my mum mentioned my shoe fetish - tough to deal with but not impossible! In both cases, if I went broke at any point of time (more like if my dad went bankrupt) sustainability would be an issue. When I completed my degree and started working without much knowledge contribution from my course (nil actually), I thought of all my shoes that I bought with extreme levels of enthusiasm but never ended up wearing them more than a couple times.
Also the tasks involved in doing an engineering dissertation or buying even a carvela are very very similar. You start with intensive research, experiments (trying the shoes) and a theoretical report to the tutor (telling my mom - pros, cons ,the works in the case of shoes of course!). Finally depending upon how you do, the results are proportional.
Plagiarism issues are also quite relevant in both. You wouldn't want to buy your best friend's pair when unique is the way to go. You dare do the same in my department of study.
Also the security feeling is attached to both! Everytime I think of working in the future, I know I have a piece of fancy paper (called a degree) to go begging at the doors of the corporates to earn a living. Similarly my investment in shoes gives me the same exact feeling - maybe one day in the future I can sell all my shoes online and get some money!
Its funny how two completely different things/habits give me the exact same feeling and whats funnier is my brain perceives them to be of equal importance! haha 

Mirror mirror on the wall...

Mirror mirror on the wall, whose the fairest of them all? I wish there was a truthful mirror!

This has bothered me since A WHILE - been addicted to getting dressed in my own room, I'd be convinced that I look presentable to go out but then a glance into another mirror on the way, in the car, my compact etc would leave me wondering- well I did not look this way at home.

I know the blah scientific reasons behind it- the light merely falling at its own whims in a direction available to it makes me look however it wants! The question remains - which one to believe? Is my dressing room mirror saying the truth about my appearance or just mocking me saying - ahh you think you look good huh? Nevertheless it can also be the other way round (very rarely) that you go somewhere and the mirror there makes you look prettier than the one loyal to you.

It sort off makes me think of how acquaintances are. Acquaintances to be clear are those people in my life who I know as much as I would like to know them. Their behavior is very much like the deceiving mirror theory according to me. At a certain outing/party they might be right next to you gleaming pretending like they were born to be sitting on that table next to you but at another they might be ridiculing you while you're away! So ye, that is the reason I say - which face to believe?

I'm sure most of you reading this would relate to the mirror theory. The funny part was that one of my real close friends once getting ready with me for a party said - I know we look great but maybe only within the vicinity of this mirror! And I was so relieved that someone out there feels the same way as I do. Its very much like the time when in school our teacher's nails would accidentally scratch the blackboard and I would feel really icky but couldn't see others being bothered. Till fairly long I used to believe there is something very wrong in my system to be feeling that way.

So if anyone does have a solution, please share - which mirror to believe or which face to slap ;)