Poor boys - stuck in the battle for the title

I don't know why but when you start having conversations with people (not your family) who are married and living it up everyday, you gain so much real time perspective to what your life is going to be like. Many a times, I have noticed two statements being used for the boys - the wives will say "oh he's such a muma's boy" and the mother will say " he's governed by his wife". I mean its utter chaos for the man who is trying to handle two people (not to forget women) who he supposedly loves and cannot live without. But then again the guy species isn't at all about balance. It is rare that you find a masculine soul who knows it all and can handle it all! They always float amidst opinions until they finally don't give a damn and do what they feel like.

Women try very hard to strike a balance initially and eventually give up. Nevertheless women are so opinionated that they don't care about what others think of them in this threesome handling task. So what if the MIL (mother-in-law) thinks I govern him, it just means she's jealous! - would be the typical statement in a woman's mind after she has done her bit to please both sides and settled to please the hubby only.

Its very similar to buying a wedding dress for oneself. Initially one gives a crap about what everyone would think of it, say about it etc and eventually when one finds the right one that fits, boy one doesn't care! In fact it is when one starts imagining people talking crap about it just because they are jealous! 

Well In this episode of desperate housewives, Gaby (the snobby rich mexican's not so well off wife) goes to buy her wedding dress with her hubby and his mum. The mum-in-law is obviously bickering about how expensive the dress is and Gaby has crocodile tears while over-hearing their conversation. Poor husband can't see his wife in tears and cannot deny that the dress is actually very expensive! Finally he buys the dress for Gaby while consoling his mother that she's the one he loves and cannot see her unhappy at any cost ( not even quite a few thousand dollars!).

Both angles show love for the husband in their own form but the one who wins take the point! This points fight is what continues throughout life until one woman finally gives up! A compromise is generally very rare I guess. So if the wifey wins -you get a wife-governed man and if the MIL wins - you get a muma's boy! Simple as that. Wait, the man yet again has no say. He is just swayed along in the battle for the title!

The art of choosing - perfected by Indians

Yesterday at the metro station, this girl who got out with me from the train was standing next to a bhutta wala (corn cob vendor) and peeling every other bhutta on his little cart. He got agitated and said -" madamji kya kar rahe hain, saara maal khol diya". She didn't even acknowledge him talking and continued the peeling ritual in search of perfect tender bhutta. It was until there was a pile of people around him that she had to make a  decision (I could see she wasn't very satisfied). After it was grilled and ready - she said "bhaiya masala kam kyun lagaya hain!?" and then of course "itna mahenga laga rahe ho!" .

I was already agitated waiting in the heat for the car to arrive and at that moment I swear I just wanted to shake her and say - "it is just a bhutta not the man of your life; move on girl" but then a thought came to my mind - it is because we have been given the benefit of choice that Indians have become too picky and sometimes irrationally time consuming when it comes to the  smallest things. Forget small, our ruling class in history was even given a "swayambar" (bride/groom choosing ritual) to choose who they want to marry! And then they say today that Indians go for arranged marriages! Really? I don't think so. We were since ages choosing each and everything we'd want.

Even arranged marriages are very similar to the situation I mentioned at the corn vendor. I'm not generalising here but when they say arranged marriage, it doesn't exactly mean that the girl hasn't given herself a fair chance to look around.  I mean she has a gala time until pressure from the family(similar to people gathering around the cart) increases and then if she has the guts she brings in her love or says goodbye and marries her parents' choice. This is very similar to the girl who went through all the bhuttas and when she had to make a decision - she could either give the one she liked or trust the vendor blindly to make a better choice for her. Those who do the former end up in a love affair those who do the latter end up in an arranged love affair. One still complains, one still whines, one still hypes up stuff but at the end of the day - one does have the bhutta! Haha

This was obviously a very well versed example but even the street beggars nowadays have started pitching their wants according to their choice. Try giving a little boy on the signal something to eat out of sheer generosity and he'll say - "didi pepsi pila do" or even refuse to take it because he's not interested. Hello! I mean that's some CLASS. My some tiny single digit year old cousin once while having pasta tells the waiter - "can you please put "no broccoli" because its bad!". At her age, I'd be a. Lucky to be eating out, b. Fancy to be eating italian and c. Very choosy to be defining my order!

Nevertheless, it is definitely the lack of trust that people have become so knit-picky. I mean its tough to find a lady buying bread without asking - "bhaisahab fresh hai na?" Or if anything is available in cheap - "bhaiya purana hoga!". When I was in the UK, it was simple - if its cheap, its going bad soon and you'll see maximum Indians piling to buy from that section! So its only in our love India that people have high held heads because of the benefit of choice!

Boundaries, only important in cricket?

Creating boundaries becomes so important as we grow old, get into relationships, get jobs, have kids, play cricket huh?

While sometimes obsession becomes the key to driving us forward, people like me forget to draw visible lines and often expect so much that in the process we get hurt and withdraw until we find our next obsession. Well, then another,  and another ...

Once while having a heated conversation, I told this guy I knew - I did this, that, blah, blah blah for you and you didn't respect it at all. He replied saying - well I never asked you to do any of that stuff. That was it. He was right. He never did ask me to give it my 100percent. It was definitely my lack of ability to draw "the line" and his perfect ability to introduce me to reality.

Its not only personal, even when it came to university work, I would get so obsessed with the presentation factor of my project that sometimes I would drive myself crazy finishing it. And a professor would have the same view. - I never asked you to do that. This is a classic case of obsession with perfection.

I try, try so hard to drill it my head that even if I manage to get it 80percent correct, it should be fine but NO, when I actually start working the same 80percent seems so mediocre. Even on the professional front, I've followed the same motto - do it best or don't do it at all. When narrated to others, this habit might seem very good but it morally ruins a person. A glitch in my work can make me beat myself up for hours or even days.

I still remember and the fact that I do is testimony of the impact this incident has had on me.  Appearing for my school admission interview,  I was asked to write the spellings for tree and being brought up in an entirely different schooling system prior to that, we had just finished three letter words. I couldn't spell it correctly and the principal mentioned it to my mum later even though rest of my paper was crisp and correct. It meant cent percent was the standard set and in no way could I not achieve that!

I get thoughts and dreams of imperfect work, work not getting done in time, incomplete preparation of syllabus for an exam, font/size differences in an important email and so on. These are not even the representation of the slightest gravity of problems that would come in one's way as time goes by. What I'm trying to say is that how does one influence oneself to believe that one's doing a great job? Constant appreciation or someone's belief?  Moreover how does someone expect others to do a job just like they would do it? Phew its going to be a tough tough life ahead. Wait, there I go again...haha

Shoe fetish or an Engineering degree?

Shoe fetish or an Engineering degree? Must be wondering what's the connection, isn't it?
Well for starters - I have both.

Second, the symptoms and cycle life of both are kinda the same unless you're broke. Symptoms can range from mild to very severe and the cycle life is long, very long!

When I joined engineering, I was convinced that it'll be tough but not impossible.. Funny enough I thought the same when my mum mentioned my shoe fetish - tough to deal with but not impossible! In both cases, if I went broke at any point of time (more like if my dad went bankrupt) sustainability would be an issue. When I completed my degree and started working without much knowledge contribution from my course (nil actually), I thought of all my shoes that I bought with extreme levels of enthusiasm but never ended up wearing them more than a couple times.
Also the tasks involved in doing an engineering dissertation or buying even a carvela are very very similar. You start with intensive research, experiments (trying the shoes) and a theoretical report to the tutor (telling my mom - pros, cons ,the works in the case of shoes of course!). Finally depending upon how you do, the results are proportional.
Plagiarism issues are also quite relevant in both. You wouldn't want to buy your best friend's pair when unique is the way to go. You dare do the same in my department of study.
Also the security feeling is attached to both! Everytime I think of working in the future, I know I have a piece of fancy paper (called a degree) to go begging at the doors of the corporates to earn a living. Similarly my investment in shoes gives me the same exact feeling - maybe one day in the future I can sell all my shoes online and get some money!
Its funny how two completely different things/habits give me the exact same feeling and whats funnier is my brain perceives them to be of equal importance! haha 

Mirror mirror on the wall...

Mirror mirror on the wall, whose the fairest of them all? I wish there was a truthful mirror!

This has bothered me since A WHILE - been addicted to getting dressed in my own room, I'd be convinced that I look presentable to go out but then a glance into another mirror on the way, in the car, my compact etc would leave me wondering- well I did not look this way at home.

I know the blah scientific reasons behind it- the light merely falling at its own whims in a direction available to it makes me look however it wants! The question remains - which one to believe? Is my dressing room mirror saying the truth about my appearance or just mocking me saying - ahh you think you look good huh? Nevertheless it can also be the other way round (very rarely) that you go somewhere and the mirror there makes you look prettier than the one loyal to you.

It sort off makes me think of how acquaintances are. Acquaintances to be clear are those people in my life who I know as much as I would like to know them. Their behavior is very much like the deceiving mirror theory according to me. At a certain outing/party they might be right next to you gleaming pretending like they were born to be sitting on that table next to you but at another they might be ridiculing you while you're away! So ye, that is the reason I say - which face to believe?

I'm sure most of you reading this would relate to the mirror theory. The funny part was that one of my real close friends once getting ready with me for a party said - I know we look great but maybe only within the vicinity of this mirror! And I was so relieved that someone out there feels the same way as I do. Its very much like the time when in school our teacher's nails would accidentally scratch the blackboard and I would feel really icky but couldn't see others being bothered. Till fairly long I used to believe there is something very wrong in my system to be feeling that way.

So if anyone does have a solution, please share - which mirror to believe or which face to slap ;)

Reward for obedience

 What is the reward for obedience? To be honest - nothing.

Rebellion at least gets you attention, hate or even jealousy but obedience just makes you the foolish little person stuck in the middle.
Since childhood, I can proudly (or maybe not) say that I have been an epitome of abiding to whatsoever I've been told. In 3rd standard, my mum acquired measles during my final exams and she said I wouldn't be able to help you, I sighed and said okay.  I can imagine if a few rebellious friends/cousins reacting to the same situation in somewhat this way - WHAT, how am I going to pass? I think I shouldn't give the exam! Or even I need a tutor now now now. And guess they'd even get it because they're parents would be so scared to take the tantrums.

Honestly my parents never bothered with all the tantrums and hence, me having any was worthless. When mums were running around kids forcing them to eat, my mum said - if you're hungry, you eat. If you're not, you let everyone else eat. What would an ignored child in a situation like that do? Well, eat!

The case has been no different when I had to be taken for formal dinners, unknown shaadis or even children's Birthday parties. My brother would say - don't even think about asking me and I just nodded. Guess who was caught in between aunties and uncles- ME.

I wouldn't stand giving up on and didn't listen to anyone when it came to education and well, love. From forging my dad's signature for funding papers to not telling anybody that Manipal was a twinning program- I think I have left no 'kasar' (as they say in punjabi) in taking advantage of the fact that everybody assumes that I wouldn't go against them! So although you can bend the rules but incessant obedience will take you nowhere close to living your life to the fullest. 

Sulking often?

Do we ever really grow up? The answer according to me is No. We don't grow up, we just start sulking about the things that we didn't want to change over the course of time. 

My mum tells me when I was  about 4 and used to attend a play school close to my house, I would sneakily check what my mum had pulled out to wear for that day and if it was that particular yellow embroidered sweater, I would wake up in seconds and get ready. Else, I could take anything from a few candies to several excuses to head to school. Things don't seem to have changed much, still when I have to rush to work and my favorite top isn't back from dry cleaning, I would just sulk and get going. Of course the bribes have escalated and are offered to self rather than my mum! 

The tastes that I have developed have been due to the kind of childhood I had, the person I am is because of the kind of childhood I had, the colors I like, the fears that I have, the people I adore, the hate list I built - all have something to do with the period when I was a kid. And the things I particularly don't get according to what I have expected all this while, disappoint me. When we are young, we think - I'll be old, I'll be married (or not), I'll have flawless skin, I'll have everything figured out blah blah… Seeing many people close to me, taking a leap of faith with marriage I feel they are still the same! Then what qualifies us to be old, married or in love? Honestly NOTHING! 

I often ponder - when we're older or on our own the freedom is immense! Does that do us apart? Responsibility they say is the unfortunate belonging that is given to us over time. How many of us really embrace it? Not me. Not yet.