Poor boys - stuck in the battle for the title

I don't know why but when you start having conversations with people (not your family) who are married and living it up everyday, you gain so much real time perspective to what your life is going to be like. Many a times, I have noticed two statements being used for the boys - the wives will say "oh he's such a muma's boy" and the mother will say " he's governed by his wife". I mean its utter chaos for the man who is trying to handle two people (not to forget women) who he supposedly loves and cannot live without. But then again the guy species isn't at all about balance. It is rare that you find a masculine soul who knows it all and can handle it all! They always float amidst opinions until they finally don't give a damn and do what they feel like.

Women try very hard to strike a balance initially and eventually give up. Nevertheless women are so opinionated that they don't care about what others think of them in this threesome handling task. So what if the MIL (mother-in-law) thinks I govern him, it just means she's jealous! - would be the typical statement in a woman's mind after she has done her bit to please both sides and settled to please the hubby only.

Its very similar to buying a wedding dress for oneself. Initially one gives a crap about what everyone would think of it, say about it etc and eventually when one finds the right one that fits, boy one doesn't care! In fact it is when one starts imagining people talking crap about it just because they are jealous! 

Well In this episode of desperate housewives, Gaby (the snobby rich mexican's not so well off wife) goes to buy her wedding dress with her hubby and his mum. The mum-in-law is obviously bickering about how expensive the dress is and Gaby has crocodile tears while over-hearing their conversation. Poor husband can't see his wife in tears and cannot deny that the dress is actually very expensive! Finally he buys the dress for Gaby while consoling his mother that she's the one he loves and cannot see her unhappy at any cost ( not even quite a few thousand dollars!).

Both angles show love for the husband in their own form but the one who wins take the point! This points fight is what continues throughout life until one woman finally gives up! A compromise is generally very rare I guess. So if the wifey wins -you get a wife-governed man and if the MIL wins - you get a muma's boy! Simple as that. Wait, the man yet again has no say. He is just swayed along in the battle for the title!

The art of choosing - perfected by Indians

Yesterday at the metro station, this girl who got out with me from the train was standing next to a bhutta wala (corn cob vendor) and peeling every other bhutta on his little cart. He got agitated and said -" madamji kya kar rahe hain, saara maal khol diya". She didn't even acknowledge him talking and continued the peeling ritual in search of perfect tender bhutta. It was until there was a pile of people around him that she had to make a  decision (I could see she wasn't very satisfied). After it was grilled and ready - she said "bhaiya masala kam kyun lagaya hain!?" and then of course "itna mahenga laga rahe ho!" .

I was already agitated waiting in the heat for the car to arrive and at that moment I swear I just wanted to shake her and say - "it is just a bhutta not the man of your life; move on girl" but then a thought came to my mind - it is because we have been given the benefit of choice that Indians have become too picky and sometimes irrationally time consuming when it comes to the  smallest things. Forget small, our ruling class in history was even given a "swayambar" (bride/groom choosing ritual) to choose who they want to marry! And then they say today that Indians go for arranged marriages! Really? I don't think so. We were since ages choosing each and everything we'd want.

Even arranged marriages are very similar to the situation I mentioned at the corn vendor. I'm not generalising here but when they say arranged marriage, it doesn't exactly mean that the girl hasn't given herself a fair chance to look around.  I mean she has a gala time until pressure from the family(similar to people gathering around the cart) increases and then if she has the guts she brings in her love or says goodbye and marries her parents' choice. This is very similar to the girl who went through all the bhuttas and when she had to make a decision - she could either give the one she liked or trust the vendor blindly to make a better choice for her. Those who do the former end up in a love affair those who do the latter end up in an arranged love affair. One still complains, one still whines, one still hypes up stuff but at the end of the day - one does have the bhutta! Haha

This was obviously a very well versed example but even the street beggars nowadays have started pitching their wants according to their choice. Try giving a little boy on the signal something to eat out of sheer generosity and he'll say - "didi pepsi pila do" or even refuse to take it because he's not interested. Hello! I mean that's some CLASS. My some tiny single digit year old cousin once while having pasta tells the waiter - "can you please put "no broccoli" because its bad!". At her age, I'd be a. Lucky to be eating out, b. Fancy to be eating italian and c. Very choosy to be defining my order!

Nevertheless, it is definitely the lack of trust that people have become so knit-picky. I mean its tough to find a lady buying bread without asking - "bhaisahab fresh hai na?" Or if anything is available in cheap - "bhaiya purana hoga!". When I was in the UK, it was simple - if its cheap, its going bad soon and you'll see maximum Indians piling to buy from that section! So its only in our love India that people have high held heads because of the benefit of choice!

Boundaries, only important in cricket?

Creating boundaries becomes so important as we grow old, get into relationships, get jobs, have kids, play cricket huh?

While sometimes obsession becomes the key to driving us forward, people like me forget to draw visible lines and often expect so much that in the process we get hurt and withdraw until we find our next obsession. Well, then another,  and another ...

Once while having a heated conversation, I told this guy I knew - I did this, that, blah, blah blah for you and you didn't respect it at all. He replied saying - well I never asked you to do any of that stuff. That was it. He was right. He never did ask me to give it my 100percent. It was definitely my lack of ability to draw "the line" and his perfect ability to introduce me to reality.

Its not only personal, even when it came to university work, I would get so obsessed with the presentation factor of my project that sometimes I would drive myself crazy finishing it. And a professor would have the same view. - I never asked you to do that. This is a classic case of obsession with perfection.

I try, try so hard to drill it my head that even if I manage to get it 80percent correct, it should be fine but NO, when I actually start working the same 80percent seems so mediocre. Even on the professional front, I've followed the same motto - do it best or don't do it at all. When narrated to others, this habit might seem very good but it morally ruins a person. A glitch in my work can make me beat myself up for hours or even days.

I still remember and the fact that I do is testimony of the impact this incident has had on me.  Appearing for my school admission interview,  I was asked to write the spellings for tree and being brought up in an entirely different schooling system prior to that, we had just finished three letter words. I couldn't spell it correctly and the principal mentioned it to my mum later even though rest of my paper was crisp and correct. It meant cent percent was the standard set and in no way could I not achieve that!

I get thoughts and dreams of imperfect work, work not getting done in time, incomplete preparation of syllabus for an exam, font/size differences in an important email and so on. These are not even the representation of the slightest gravity of problems that would come in one's way as time goes by. What I'm trying to say is that how does one influence oneself to believe that one's doing a great job? Constant appreciation or someone's belief?  Moreover how does someone expect others to do a job just like they would do it? Phew its going to be a tough tough life ahead. Wait, there I go again...haha